Communication & Divine Encounter | Martin Buber
Early this year, iterations of a self-replicating bio-code hacked into the beautiful, tender bodies of Americans and triggered a substantial period of isolation. Despite being an introvert's dream, little did we expect the side-effects that would inflict us all.
COVID-19
*may cause the following:
Involuntary time travel.
Calendar Amnesia.
Mask Waterboarding (not as fun as it sounds).
Degeneration into a larval state of being.
Although social distancing was a necessary step in healing our country, it has certainly taken a toll on us and taught us something about our social interdependence along the way. Martin Buber, an Austrian Jewish and Israeli philosopher best known for his philosophy of dialogue, suggests that "Human existence is fundamentally interpersonal. Human beings are not isolated, free-floating objects, but subjects existing in perpetual, multiple, shifting relationships with other people, the world, and ultimately God." In fact, his ideas about interpersonal communication and identity present the concept of love as a form of divine communion. Buber's work gives a fresh perspective to take back with us as we begin to re-enter our pulsating society hive. When applied, it aims to help to improve the quality of our interactions, self-identity, and understanding of the Ineffable.
"The true meaning of love one's neighbor is not that it is a command from God which we are to fulfill, but that through it and in it we meet God." Martin Buber
Previously on EOTI... five survivors remain-- the immunity idol has yet to be played. Wait, no, we were talking about how attachment to appearance causes us to stray from our authentic being. Remember? Cool, I've talked about mirrors enough already. So, it turns out that the perpetual "world of appearance" mentioned in Eastern philosophy (the idea that the finite phenomenal world is merely an illusory appearance in comparison to the one, eternal, unchanging reality labeled 'Brahman' where there is no appearance, or object, only subject, or observer) translates in the realm of communication as the "world of performance." That is, during communication, we "do" our identity for an audience, like an actor in a play. Within every interaction, we actively choose how we want to "come off" to others. Performance is this approach of how you behave in various social circles, choose to participate in self-disclosure, and, in general, how you play your part. Performance is your appearance in the social realm. In reference to my post about Alan Watts' music analogy; if life is like a song, performance is the way we dance with others. The way you perform may shift and change, but all this expressed appearance, in total, leads back to who you really are at the center of it all.
Martin Buber is famously known for saying, "All real living is meeting; all actual life is encounter." He suggests that "real" experience is fundamentally collaborative: "life is defined by these myriad interactions-- by the push and pull of inter-subjectivity." In a sense, it is only our collective, interwoven experience that continues to live on, rippling out and growing beyond our temporary individuality. Since this "real" experience is something that we are all simultaneously contributing to and being influenced by, Buber emphasizes the importance of authenticity in our strategy of social performance. He distinguishes two polarized methods of social expression that humans actively use during interactions:
Being, which proceeds from what one really is and
Seeming, from what one wishes to appear.
In the context of an interaction, Seeming is the tendency for one to try to maintain control over their appearance. Maybe you're trying to impress someone, so you make an estimate of what sort of appearance the other would like to see, and then you choose to express or suppress various aspects of your identity to align with that objective. It's useful from a strategic perspective, but as Buber suggests, true Being, where no premeditated purpose intervenes, is a necessary step in achieving the inter-human: a space where two people coexist in (and co-contribute to) what he called the Between. A metaphorical place where each person "stands in a common situation and exposes themselves vitally to the other's share in the situation as really their share." Presence in the Between is what Buber is referring to when he says that 'all real living is meeting.' In it lurks the vital, nourishing experience of life-- the real sacred stuff of existence. It's what connects human life to the essence of humanity. Through it, we can discover our true identity; a unity of Being.
"A person cannot approach the divine by reaching beyond the human. To become human is what this individual person has been created for." Martin Buber
In Buber's perspective, social connection is what provides us with a sense of self: "A human being becomes whole not in virtue of a relation to himself [only] but rather in virtue of an authentic relation to another human being(s)." Consider how we often look to others for approval. Only others, as representatives of the social network, can provide us with a sense of assurance and acceptance of our belonging within, thus providing a positive reinforcement of our self-identity. We find our sense of self, our Being, and our uniqueness in relation to others by examining the appearances that they reflect back to us. However, we can't see that reflection clearly and understand who we really are until we are able to genuinely connect through authentic Being with another and actively recognize our commonalities and ultimately shared condition. While Being and Seeming describe strategies of performance, Buber presents two types of approach that can teach us how to connect to this Between: The I-It stance and the I-Thou stance.
"Feelings dwell in man; but man dwells in his love. That is no metaphor, but the actual truth. Love does not cling to the I in such a way as to have the Thou only for its 'content,' its object; but love is between I and Thou." Martin Buber
In the I-It stance, an ego approaches the other as an object separate from itself. In this encounter, we relate to others as objects to be used or manipulated for the purpose of achieving an outcome. This is often experienced during short-term interactions such as with a store clerk as you check out. Buber affirms that there's nothing inherently wrong with this stance, but that it cannot be the only foundation upon which we relate to other people. To express our humanity in its completeness, we must approach the other as a subject, a whole person, or a Thou. According to M Owen from aeon.co, in the I-Thou stance, a being is approached without filtration through our mediated consciousness, "with its litter of preconceptions and projections." Through this method of encounter, we can tap into the inter-human and make contact with our own true Being, fully centered within every expression. Two individuals appearing to one another as they truly are experience a unified, collective presence. In this shared experience of the Between during a true I-Thou connection, Buber claims that God can be encountered "near to the sphere that lies between beings, to the Kingdom that is hidden in our midst, there between us."
In fact, Buber feels so strongly about authenticity and the presence of love in our encounters that he suggests that the highest level of I-Thou connection reveals the presence of an "Eternal Thou" represented as God: "The Thou that by its nature cannot become It." It, being an object that is approached as something separate from itself. In other words, the Eternal Thou is considered the subject; the ultimate Being, that is not separate from, but rather fully expressed through its objects of appearance. Reaching the highest level of I-Thou connection is to be so mutually authentic that personal objectives submit to love and all appearances converge into Being, revealing the core from which our separateness has emerged.
"God always escapes the objectifying impulse of the I-It stance. He always exists as a unity of being in our minds. And every time we access the I-Thou at the human level, we chip a tiny shard off the shoulder of the towering marble statue of divine encounter." Martin Buber
